Dripping red
by Whatthefawkes
Summary: AU. When Richard Castle leaves the precinct – no note, no goodbye, gone – refusing to answer any and all phone calls from the 12th. He experiences the shock of his life when Kate Beckett shows up at his door covered in blood. [Set after 4x18 'A Dance With Death']
1. The Disturbance

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended and all that jazz.

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**I**

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He couldn't let himself go back to the twelfth to sit by and watch Kate throw her life away, whether it was for her mother's case or the relentless determination she had to catch New York's worst - but it was her job. He knew it was her job but he couldn't just stand by anymore. He couldn't stand by and watch her day after day throw herself into danger's path as if that was going to make amends. As if that was going to make everything that happened to her mum, okay. She would never be fully okay but the thought never bothered him in the slightest. Her mother's case was a part of her. It had driven her to becoming who she was but it didn't have to dictate how she lives the rest of her life.

She could be happy. If she truly let herself, she could be happy. More than anything Rick wanted to be the one to bring that smile to her lips, to make her laugh, to watch the euphoria on her face as he brought her to the edge but if that wasn't his role in her life then that's alright. Kate's happiness was all he wanted and if that leaves him lurking in a dark corner of his study with a tumbler of whiskey then so be it.

What exactly had he done since he left? Nothing. He couldn't bring himself to write. Nikki Heat was her, it was all about her. The words that were always on the edge of his fingertips waiting to be typed were gone. Silence taking their place and emptiness taking his heart.

The thud of the front door shook him out of his reverie; the blank computer screen continuing to blink at him furiously as he made his way towards the disturbance.

'Alexis,' Rick yelled at the flyaway red hair retreating up the staircase.

She halted for a moment before swivelling on her heel, shooting her father a reproachful glare, 'yes dad?'

'I just wanted to see how school was?'

'Oh, it was good. I'm just going to go make a head start on the work that was set.'

'Okay. Take it easy now pumpkin.'

'Yeah, dad,' Alexis said as she continued making her way up the staircase.

Rick heaved a sigh and padded his way towards the kitchen, reaching for the cupboard holding the bottle of whiskey. Pulling a tumbler from out of the dishwasher and pouring himself a generous amount he returned to the confines of his study. Door shut. The world locked out.

He rubbed his eyes, staring blankly at the ceiling. So much had changed in such a short amount of time. Ever since his abrupt departure from the precinct, Alexis had been distant, quiet. He caught the worried glances dancing between mother and daughter but chose to ignore them. If he wanted to lock himself away in his office then so be it. Selfish? Yes. Preservation of self? Yes.

Alexis was never the same after that night Kate had knocked on his door. Kate had taken to banging on his front door three or four times a day, trying to coax him out. He never responded. He didn't want to respond.

Alexis had argued with him repeatedly those first few nights Kate had dropped by - his mother too. Each of them wanting to know what was wrong but never getting the answers they wanted.

It wasn't until the third day of yells and bangs from Kate Beckett that Alexis decided to take matters into her own hands and open the front door. She had opened the door and slammed it shut behind her before Rick could stumble tipsily out of his study. He'd watched her traipse back in after fifteen long torturous minutes of relentless pacing to only watch her run to her room and leave again moments later. He had no idea where they went or what was said. No matter how hard he tried, Alexis never budged and his mother refused to interfere. Kate never returned after that night and his daughter only spoke to him when he sought her out.

Despair leaked through his heart. How could everything turn so wrong so quickly? Life was never supposed to turn out this way.

Lonely minutes soon turned into despairing hours, every minute moulding together into nothingness. Rick vaguely remembered stumbling out of his study and collapsing on the sofa after collecting yet another glass of whiskey; the bitter swish of the beverage burning the back of his throat on its way down. He wasn't sure how long he had sat there, collapsed in a haphazard position staring at nothing in particular. His daughter had never come down and his mother was out doing what Martha does best. He hazily wondered if he should check on at least one of them but thought better of it. Wallowing in self-pity was always better without a party of spectators.

For the second time that day the jostle of the front door pulled him out of his trance. He raised his head expecting to see his mother but not this. His breath caught in his lungs as he took in the sight before him. Kate Beckett stood in his doorway, key in hand, red rings lining her eyes and every inch of her body covered in blood.

Time ceased to exist as both parties stared at each other startled at what they saw, what they never expected. Rick was off the chair and stumbling towards his partner before his brain had fully caught up with what he was doing. He came up short in front of her, his heart racing and eyes wide as he tried to absorb her fragile profile. His eyes raked over the muse of her hair, the lines that marked her face and the heavy slump of her shoulders. This was a shadow of the woman he had spent the last four years shadowing, the last four years falling in love with.

The urge to hold her tight and wash away her troubles overwhelmed him but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't bring his arms up to reach out to her. Instead they hung heavy and limp at his side. Castle could do nothing but stare as a barrage of emotion skidded over Kate's face as they stood in their motionless dance. She shifted slightly on her feet, a single tear sliding down her cheek.

'I – I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry,' said Kate making a turn to leave.

'No,' said Rick, his voice barely more than a whisper catching her wrist with his hand. 'No. You came here Kate and look at you... you're staying here.'

They simply stood there for a moment completely wrapped up in their own tangible thoughts. Rick had meant what he'd said – Kate could stay here. Whatever had or hadn't happened between them, he needed her to understand that she was always welcome. He watched her intently, electricity dancing between their eyes, a gentle tingle of heat spreading through his veins as their hands joined.

The sound of feet pounding down the staircase broke the intensity of the moment – Kate suddenly eyeing the ground with a newfound interest as Rick glanced up towards his daughter's emerging form – suddenly feeling self-conscious.

'Hey dad, did Grams just come in-' said Alexis faltering as she finally noticed the presence of the Detective. 'Oh my god Detective Beckett, are you alright? Are you hurt? Is that blood... yours?'

Her apparent concern seemed to knock some life back into his bones. Kate Beckett had shown up at his door covered in blood and what had he done? He'd simply stood at his door like a lifeless lemon whilst she stood there, _covered in blood_. Castle chastised himself for getting himself stupidly drunk with the haze of the alcohol still hanging over him. He should be fussing over her to the point of her wanting to shoot him and yet he just stood there.

Kate's voice cut through the silence, 'It-It's not mine, no,' shaking her head profusely as if she was trying to prove some kind of point, tears steadily rolling down her cheek.

'Hey... hey,' said Castle gently wiping the tears from her cheek before turning to his daughter who stood watching them intently. 'Alexis, can you go get Kate some spare clothes whilst I take her to the bathroom in my room.'

'Are you sure you don't want me to call someone?'

'Alexis, please.'

'Okay,' said Alexis, stalking back in the direction she came.

'You don't have to do this you know,' Kate said softly looking anywhere but at him. 'I could just go home, you're obviously busy,' gesturing behind him to the neglected bottle of whiskey and tumbler on the coffee table. 'I don't know why I came. I should really just go. It's just been a really rough day and I-I-'

The rest of Kate's words were stolen from her lips as Castle took a confident step towards her, both hands coming up to cup the sides of her face – kissing her softly. He timidly brushed his tongue against her lower lip seeking entrance, surprise spiking through him as she opened up to him, deepening the kiss. Their tongues battled in sweet temperament, the kiss searing and all too dangerous. Kate pulled away breathless, a slight sob escaping her as she rested her forehead against his, her hands clutching desperately onto the collar of his shirt as if she thought that if she let go it would all magically disappear. Rick so desperately wanted to erase this needy pain she felt, wanting to caress every inch of her body and replace that pain with pleasure but not right now, not like this when it felt like he was taking advantage.

Rick broke the silence that settled once more over the room – a silence not completely awkward but the air of it lingering between them – with the slam of the front door, his voice hoarse and husky breaking through the remnants of the tremor, 'I'm not going to take no for an answer here, Kate. You're going to stay here with me, Alexis and my crazy mother wherever she is right now. We're going to help get you cleaned up, give you some spare clothes, go back to your place to fetch a bag if need be and get this sorted out.' His thumb brushing along her cheek, wiping away each treacherous tear as they fell.

'You're going to tell me everything that happened because as your partner I feel like I need to know that but more importantly as your friend I want to help. Let me help you, Kate. Let me stop those tears from falling. Please,' said Rick his voice breaking with the tension of his words, with the pain he felt for her.

He should have been there. Whatever had happened, he should have been there.

Castle tugged her in the direction of his en-suite refusing to wait for her to reply to his shameless pleading. He'd bulldoze all of her objections if he had to. He left her sitting on the side of his bathtub before traipsing back into the depth of his bedroom, bumping into Alexis as he approached the door.

'Oh hey dad. Is Detective Beckett alright?' said Alexis handing him a bundle of clothes.

'Yeah, Pumpkin, she's just in shock at the moment.'

'I got her some sweats, an old t-shirt and a change of underwear if she needs it.'

'What would I do without you?' questioned Rick, wrapping his arms around his daughter for a moment before letting her go.

'Drive yourself into a hole, become depressed, wish you had a daughter as awesome as me... I could go on.'

'Ha-ha very funny, Alexis. Are you going to be alright upstairs?'

'Yeah dad, I am old enough to look after myself you know but more importantly, with Detective Beckett here does this mean you're going to stop drinking yourself into oblivion? I can see you sobering up already.'

Rick squeezed his daughter tightly to his chest once more, pressing a kiss into her fiery mane of hair, 'Yes it does and I am so sorry you had to see that.'

'Just make sure it doesn't happen again, okay,' said Alexis extracting herself from her father's grasp and exiting the room.

He nodded after her as if she could see him before heading back to Kate. He found her seated in the same position he had left her in – gazing at nothing in particular, tears still streaming steadily down her cheeks as her hands fidgeted endlessly in her lap.

Rick knelt down – knees creaking – placing his hands lightly on her thighs to steady himself; her eyes slowing moving to meet his.

'Tell me what happened, Kate.'

Kate opened and closed her mouth a number of times before the words finally came flooding through, 'we got the location of our killer, Jim McLeod, up in lower Manhattan. He lived in some squatty little building. We thought it'd be quick and easy, go in with surprise and take him down but he was waiting for something.'

Her tears were falling thick and heavy now. Castle took hold of her hand, giving it a light squeeze hoping to inject some comfort through his touch, urging her to go on.

'I went in first, you know, protocol. Javi and Kevin coming in behind,' said Kate, her voice lowering to a whisper. 'As soon as we were in McLeod had his gun on us. I f-faltered Castle. I _faltered_. All I could think about was when I got shot and I tried, Castle. I tried so hard. I wasn't even aware of what was happening and Kevin, Kevin shoved me out of the way but he- but he got hit.'

A veil of grief and regret spiralled down, curving Kate in on herself, locking her down. Kate's arms tucked themselves around her upper body trying to form some semblance of protection yet unable to ease the shaking. Castle leant forward, pulling her down from her perch on the bath and into the v of his legs, clutching her to his chest. She battled with him, body striking body, each vying for control – Rick wanting to ease her pain and be her protector and Kate wanting to find that independence to get through it on her own.

Castle needed her to know that she could do this as he whispered desperately into her ear, running his fingers through her tangle of hair trying to still her defence. If she could pull through from the brink of death then Kate could pull through anything.

He felt the tension leave her body as each moment passed granting her the opportunity to compose herself, to put that wall back in place.

'Javi killed McLeod with one round to the head but he hadn't done it in time to save Kevin from getting shot and there was so much blood. _So much blood_. The bullet had somehow managed to miss Kevin's vest and I-I thought we were gonna lose him right there and then.'

'Is he alright?' said Rick, his voice wavering slightly, a million thoughts tumbling through his mind at once – his writer's imagination striking the better of him.

'We got him to the hospital in time,' said Kate. 'He's on life support.'

'He's gonna make it, Kate. He's a fighter.'

'I hope so, Rick. I really do.'

'There's not much you can do right now Kate, except wait,' said Rick bringing her to face him. 'We can get you dressed and head straight to the hospital or we can get some rest and go in the morning. Judging by you practically sleep walking I suggest we go tomorrow.'

She nodded allowing him to bring her to her feet, 'You can shower in here, Alexis brought you some clothes to wear and you can sleep in my bed. I'll take the couch.'

Kate pressed a quick kiss to Rick's lips – chaste but sweet – before stepping away from his lingering embrace, 'thank you, Rick.'

He was vaguely aware of what he was doing after that, simply going through the motions of preparing himself for the night trying to leave Kate to her own privacy. He didn't know what this meant. The kiss. Everything. Twice. Castle didn't want to get his hopes up with the belief that they could finally be together – not with everything that was going on. She was upset, in shock and practically dead on her feet. She didn't know what she was doing.

The opening of the bathroom door startled Rick out of his restless pacing of the room's interior leaving him at a loss for words for the first time in his life. This woman – this majestic creature – couldn't be the same woman he watched endlessly stalk the floor of bullpen in those ridiculously tall heels. She was a few inches shorter than him without them, the fabric of the clothing he'd given her hung loosely on her thin frame. Her face looked fresh without all the usual make-up, her hair hanging in wavy tendrils around her face. Kate looked different – refreshed – but that natural beauty still hung around her like an aroma.

'Hey,' said Kate offering him a smile.

'Hey,' said Rick softly, gesturing towards the bed. 'I got the bed ready for you. I'll be sleeping on the couch if you need me. I just wanted to say night.'

'Hey Rick, wait,' Kate exclaimed grabbing Rick's arm before he had the chance to leave the room. 'I don't want to kick you out of your own room. I'll take the couch.'

'No way besides you look like you could do with the sleep.'

'Gee thanks, Castle.'

'No, I mean... I-'

'It's fine, Castle,' said Beckett rolling her eyes. 'We can share the bed but no funny business.'

All Richard Castle could do was nod, completely stunned. He couldn't deny this woman anything.

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**A/N**: This has been sitting on my laptop for a while since I haven't had internet for a while. Sooo sorry for anyone who has been reading my other fic and it's just been left abandoned. I will update it. Soon.

**Reviews are like chocolate, addictive for the soul (;**


	2. Check Up

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended and all that jazz.

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**II**

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Kate tussled with the sheets, the demons of her nightmares still battling for her conscious, jerking her awake. She sat bolt upright – gasping – the remnants of the nightmare still clinging to the corners of her mind. The sheets felt cold and foreign against the fabric on her skin. Confusion seeped through her veins at the unfamiliar setting before recognition took charge, last night's events slowly dawning on her – the pitiful arrest, Kevin getting shot, crouching over his limp body, everything. A rogue sob tore through her throat, betraying her emotions. She needed to remain strong, not only for her team but for herself.

'Castle,' she breathed remembering she was in his house, in his bed, turning to the vacant dent in the bed by her side, a flare of panic rising within her. _He hasn't been there for a while_.

The detective frantically eyed the bedside table to her left, searching for her handgun and coming up short. She swore to herself that she had left it there the night before, along with her phone and badge in case a body dropped or there was any urgent news from the hospital. Kate staggered out from under the covers and hopefully towards the only person who had the answers.

Kate wondered if seeing him this morning would be awkward. She'd just spent the night in his bed and despite nothing happening there was a lingering feeling that she wished something had happened. They'd kissed twice the night before and despite the stick she'd get from Lanie and the boys – and from Rick too – she'd enjoyed it. He was intoxicating and far too good for her. Kate didn't know if she could ever get enough of him or if she ever would.

Stuck in the cloud of her thoughts, Kate remained oblivious to the three person party waiting for her the kitchen.

'Afternoon, Kiddo,' said Martha.

Kate jumped slightly reaching for the gun usually located on her hip instead finding nothing but air. She shook her lightly, clearing her thoughts, meeting the eyes of the Castle clan whose looks bore her down expectantly.

Martha was the first to make a move, getting up from her stool to wrap her arms around Kate, bringing her into a hug. 'Richard told me what happened. How you holding up?'

'I'm fine thank you, Martha,' she said after a light pause, gripping the older woman by the arms.

'Good to hear, Detective. If you need anything at all and I mean at all then you know where to find me,' admonished Martha shaking her hands dramatically in the air before swooping down upon her relations kissing them both delicately on the cheek, leaving Kate to nod in her wake. 'Don't wait up, momma's going fishing,' Martha rang out to no one in particular as she exited the loft.

She stared at the closed door for a couple of moments completely bewildered by whirlwind Martha but she liked it. Martha had a huge heart, the kind of heat that she had bestowed in her son. It was one of the things she liked best about it as well as his ability to care. Kate hadn't been here for even 24 hours and she felt at home, she felt safe. There was an aspect to their environment that she envied, that she wanted to have and hold every day. There was so much love and affection between them all it always continued to shock and warm her heart.

'What time is it?' Kate wondered aloud.

'Just after 1,' said Alexis.

Kate raised her eyebrows warily.

'I didn't want to wake you,' Rick interjected hovering at her side as if she would fall over any second.

'I'm fine, Castle, really.'

He didn't look certain, his eyes boring into hers, arms lingering ever so slightly away from his body waiting to catch her if he needed to. She laid a hand on his bicep in what she hoped was a gesture of reassurance, willing him to understand that she could do this, she needed to do this. Kate could see it in his eyes, he still wasn't satisfied but there was some kind of need there, a need she wasn't sure what to make of.

Their silent communication broken as Alexis stumbled slightly into her father, placing a cup of steaming coffee into the detective's hands, 'coffee?'

Kate hummed with gratitude taking a quick sip, allowing the scalding liquid to burn the back of her throat, 'Mmm yes, thank you so much Alexis.'

'We've just eaten lunch and I saved you a few things. I didn't really know what you wanted so there's some salad and some sandwiches left among other things.'

'A couple of sandwiches should be fine, Alexis, thank you.'

Rick leant back against the kitchen counter watching the scenario playing out before him between daughter and detective. Kate caught the heat of his gaze, glancing up at him trying to make out the expression on his face. The need to understand him coiled deep in her stomach but she held her tongue, now wasn't the time.

Alexis handed Kate a number of sandwiches ushering her into a seat, placing the remainder of the food in plastic containers depositing them in the fridge.

'I'm going to go now, Dad,' said Alexis planting a kiss on his cheek. 'Be good okay.' She spun around to face the detective awkwardly unsure of what to do before giving the shocked brunette a quick hug, 'bye Detective Beckett.'

'Bye Alexis and please, call me Kate.'

Alexis slowed at the door of the loft, a smile spreading across her face, 'bye Kate.'

'She really looks up to you, you know,' Rick said moments later after the flourish of goodbyes shared with his daughter, sitting in the chair beside her, bumping her shoulder.

Kate remained silent, a tender smile tugging at the corner of her mouth, her heart feeling lighter than it had all week. It was strange how such a small statement could make so much difference in someone's heart.

'Where's my gun?'

Castle huffed a laugh, 'I tell you my kid looks up to you and you want to know where your gun is?'

'Yeah sorry,' Kate said grinning at him sheepishly.

'I locked it in my safe,' said Rick cautiously. 'I just felt a bit funny with it being out.'

'No, no it's fine. I just didn't want to lose it that's all.'

Kate could feel the slight awkward tension lingering in the air, choosing to digest the remainder of her sandwich and coffee hoping for the tension to die down. Every now and then she could feel his eyes on her, watching her movements. If she hadn't of known Castle for so long she would have found it overly creepy and probably would have decked him but there was something oddly comforting with knowing that he was always there for her, watching.

'You want to get ready and go to the hospital? Or we could go later,' said Rick his voice tentative. 'It's really up to you.'

'No, now's fine... it's just that I don't have anything to wear with my clothes being covered in blood. Would you mind stopping by my place first?'

'No need. I got Alexis and mother to go out shopping this morning and get you a little something.'

'Castle, you didn't-'

'I know I didn't Kate but I wanted to,' said Rick staring at her earnestly.

Kate fumbled with what to say, overwhelmed with the affection this man had for the people he loved. _Loved_? Kate took a sharp inhale of air trying to stilt the erratic beat of her heart.

'Thank you,' she said.

'I put the bags of stuff they bought in the bathroom for you. I didn't want to look in case, you know...' he said taking her plates from in front of her and placing them in the sink allowing his sentence drift off with a sheepish grin on his face.

Kate placed her hand on top of Castle's, the warmth of his hand moulding into hers. She let it linger there for a moment before darting for the bedroom, a red hue rising to her cheeks. If she allowed her mind to drift she'd most definitely be needing a cold shower.

She found the bag of clothes below the sink and began sifting through, surprised at finding everything to her taste and nothing too – what would you say – slutty. Coming to the end of the pile (four different shirts, two jeans and underwear which they'd somehow managed to get the right size for) was a small package wrapped in black tissue paper.

Curiosity spiked through her as she tentatively attacked the paper, her fingers coming into contact with a sleek of silk. Kate ran her fingers over the softness of the fabric and the rough knot of lace that so elegantly lined the garment. A piece of paper unravelled from its position in the fabric, clattering to the floor.

Kate picked up the paper, a slight blush rushing to her cheeks as she read the inscription: '_Thought this might come in handy one of these nights. Don't tell Richard I had the good mind to get this for you, Darling. Don't work him too hard. – Martha xox_.' Richard Castle's mother had bought her a nightdress, a nightdress she was sure would stick to each and every line of her body. The silk soft and slender for the touch and the lace just the added touch of sexy.

Embarrassment flooded through the detective at the thought that his partner's mother thought they were sleeping together or on the way towards it – not that she minded if they were – but the fact still remained, Richard Castle's mother had bought her a nightdress to seduce her son.

The car ride to the hospital had been a quiet affair – Castle not wanting to speak in fear of aggravating her and Kate unable to with the image of Martha's gift an ever evading presence in her mind.

He tugged at her hand before she had a chance to open the car door, reining her back in.

'Are we okay, Kate?' Rick implored, worry lining his features. 'You've just been really quiet this morning.'

'What? Oh, I'm fine,' said Kate, the realisation that he had said "we" and not "you" slowly dawning on her.

'You know you can always talk to me, Kate.'

'I- Rick, yes,' said Kate. 'You've been great this morning and last night and I just have a lot on my mind right now but I'm fine. Honestly.'

Kate watched as he simply nodded to her statement, getting out of the car. She knew he wanted to prod and poke at her until he got the answers he wanted but something held him back and for that she was grateful. She loved their friendship and how close they had grown over the last four years, it was one of those surprising things that had occurred from her job and she didn't want to lose it. Kevin getting shot last night had proven how quick someone could get hurt in this line of profession but a part of her felt like she was wasting time.

Rick's words as she faded into unconscious on the day of her shooting rung shrilly in her ear. She knew how he felt and she was pretty damn sure she felt the same way but a part of her still clung to the need to run. There were so many scars lining her broken soul that she wasn't sure whether she could ever love Rick the way he deserved to be loved.

A voice broke through the turmoil of her thoughts, causing her to shift her gaze to meet the pair of striking blue eyes gazing at her through the car window full of concern. She shook her thoughts away, wiping her eyes clearing away the tears that had yet to fall, composing herself once more. She exited the car and headed toward the reception desk, Castle hot on her heels.

The receptionist looked to be about her mid forties, the wrinkles beginning to line and age her face. Her hair formed a curly mass of frizz reaching her shoulder blades, the occasional grey streak hidden amongst the brown. She had a distinct air about her, the sour feel of wanting to be anywhere but where she was right now.

'Excuse me, Detective Kevin Ryan was rushed in last night with two gunshot wounds. Do you know what room he's in?' asked Kate, her voiced laced in syrup as she took in the haughty look of the receptionist.

The woman shot her a glare, dictating the course through the hospital in which to find the wounded Detective before turning back to the crossword they had so annoyingly distracted her from. Kate didn't need to be told twice speeding off in the direction she had been pointed in not waiting for Castle to follow but knowing he was only a step behind her.

Her brisk pace stuttered to a slow walk as she found Esposito seated in a chair outside the room, still covered in last night's blood. He got up as she approached, lingering there for a moment before bringing her into an awkward hug. Kate looked at him – really looked at him – for the first time in a long time and saw the broken pieces before her. He had almost lost his best friend last night; the signs of it evident from his red rimmed eyes, blood-shot from his lack of sleep to the crinkle of yesterday's clothes.

'How's he doing?' said Kate.

'Good. Real good. They just moved him into a private room this morning and took him off life support a couple of hours after you left last night,' said Esposito a smile spreading across his face. 'He's going to make it.'

'That's so good to hear,' said Rick getting a hug of his own from Esposito.

'Hey bro, thanks for getting the private room sorted out for him.'

'It was nothing, really. I'd do it for any of you guys.'

Esposito slapped a hand on his back, 'I gotta leave before Jenny comes back out and sees me still sitting here,' grabbing the jacket left slung on the back of his chair. 'I just wanted to wait till you guys got here.'

'Awh man, sorry we took so long to get here.'

Kate took a seat, sidelining herself from the conversation, leaving the boys to reconnect and catch-up. Relief flooding her system at the news that Kevin was going to be okay. It was a close call.

'No big deal, bro. You take care of her okay,' said Esposito nodding his head in Kate's direction.

Kate could feel the heat of Castle's gaze on the side of her face, determination not to turn around to see his response seized her. She heard his note of approval and hurried goodbyes between the two men before the creak of the chair beside her caught her attention. She unconsciously leant into him, the soothing heat of his presence acting as a prime calming agent for her tumultuous feelings. Kate felt the shift of his arm reaching around her back, his hand making small circular movements soothing the knotted muscles. She hummed with approval.

'You got him a private room?' said Kate after a moment, her eyes fluttering open and close, her hand finding its way to Rick's knee giving it a slight squeeze.

'I couldn't sleep last night and had some time on my hands. I phoned early this morning and made the arrangements. I thought it'd be better for him and for Jenny, you know, privacy.'

'That was really sweet.'

The sudden opening of the door to their right caused both detective and writer to jump slightly in their seats, limbs extracting themselves from the comfort of the other and back to the safety of their owners. Hearts racing, they both stared in the direction of the disturbance.

'Oh sorry,' said Jenny taking in their startled expressions.

Kate was the first to move, getting up to greet the woman, 'How's he getting on?'

'Really good. He just went back to sleep so I was just going to run to the ladies room,' said Jenny. 'You can go sit in there with him if you want.'

'You sure?'

'Yeah, yeah it's fine. He'll not be much company asleep but you can see for yourself how good he's doing.'

'Thanks, Jenny.'

'No,' said Jenny, tears swimming in her eyes. 'Thank _you_ for saving his life.'

Kate tried to object pointing out that it was because of her that he was in here in the first place but before she could get a word in edge ways the tiny woman had sauntered off, her hands rubbing furiously at her eyes as the tears came streaming down.

Rick came up behind Kate, placing a hand on her back, nudging her towards the door, 'come on.'

They approached the wounded detective's sleeping form, a mask of peace strewn across his face. He looked a few shades paler than normal; a white gauze tapped to the side of the neck where he had been grazed by a bullet, another gauze she presumed resided on his shoulder under the hospital gown from his through and through.

Kate wasn't sure how long they had stood there staring at him, Rick's hand entwining with hers somewhere along the way, lost in their own thoughts and emotions. She made a motion to leave tugging on their entwined hands, passing Jenny on their way out – who had been sitting in a chair at the back of the room drifting in an out of sleep – whispering their goodbyes.

They didn't speak until they were seated safely in the vehicle – Kate behind the wheel and Rick in the passenger's seat. Kate's words were the first to break through the silence, 'want me to drop you off at the loft? I wanna head down to the precinct and finish up on some paper work.'

'Nah, I'll come with you.'

'You sure?'

'Yeah. Who else is going to make you coffee?' he said earning himself an eye roll and a smile.

The elevator descended upon their floor at the twelfth, the opening of the steel doors revealing a bullpen quieter than the normal buzz and roar she was used to. There was a quiet shuffle of voices scattered around the room as officers got on with their duties, many she presumed unaware of the recent near death experience of a fellow officer. They'd all be buzzing with the news before the day was through, she was sure of it. Any attempt on a life from the Police force always garnered attention – mostly anger but it was always there.

They had barely made it to Kate's desk before the Captain came bolting out of her office towards them.

'Detective Beckett,' Gates barked.

'Yes sir?' replied Beckett.

'You and the rest of your team have two weeks paid leave starting today.'

'But sir-'

'I want no objections, Detective. I do not want to see or hear from you for the next two weeks. Please inform Detectives Esposito and Ryan for me and wish Detective Ryan a good recovery.'

And with that Gates stalked back into her office, slamming the office door leaving a bewildered detective in her wake.

* * *

**A/N**: I can't believe I got so many story alerts with this story as I have so far. You guys are awesome and I hope you like this chapter just as much. Chapter 3 is almost done and I'll probably upload it when chapter 4 is halfway done. Remember... **reviews are like chocolate, addictive for the soul (;**

Oh and if anyone is a fan of Harry Potter I'll be meeting JK Rowling next month *cue fangirl scream and collapse* I'm doing a big ol' fan gift for her if anyone wants to take part (: Just go to **OperationCongratulateJo / tumblr / com** for more info :D

- Jess xox


	3. She Remembers

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended and all that jazz.

**Previously**: Rick and Kate visit Ryan in the hospital, and receive a two week vacation from Captain Gates.

* * *

**III**

* * *

Rick hurried Kate Beckett into his loft – not wanting to see her leave just quite yet. He was beginning to see the cracks in her armour, the armour she so carefully built around her. She was finally beginning to let him in, even if it was only a little bit but it was a start and a start was all he needed. He'd finally made that move, made the first step and kissed her – the memory of it still making his knees shake and his heart race. He'd do anything for this woman.

The one thing that still got to him was the fact that she had kissed him back and kissed him again in his own bathroom. The second kiss may not have rocked the Earth to its core but it was still as tantalising as the first. Rick yearned for more. Yearned for the day he could shout from the rooftops that Katherine Beckett was his.

A part of him still registered that she wasn't all quite there, not in a crazy way but in a way that Kevin's shooting had knocked her down a couple of pegs. He could see it in her eyes, the damning guilt, the feeling as though it was all her fault and the brunt of it was weighing her down.

'You know it's not your fault, Kate,' he whispered, his lips brushing ever so slightly against the softness of her hair making her jump.

'Easy for you to say,' she said leaving his side to sit down on his sofa.

He took the spot beside her, reaching for her hand, 'No it isn't. Do you know how long I felt guilt ridden after you got shot? There's still a part of me today that thinks it was my fault.'

'Rick, no-'

Rick shook her off, 'I was the one who told you to look further into your mother's case. I made that decision, Kate. Against your wishes may I add. I pushed you to pursue it. I did it, Kate. I did it. I may as well have pointed the gun at you myself.'

'No,' Kate growled, twisting her body to face him. 'You didn't push me into anything. I am a fully grown woman who can make her own decisions. Yeah, you looked into it against my orders but I wanted to keep going. I wanted those answers, Rick.'

'The fact still remains.'

'No it doesn't. We both made choices and dealt with the consequences. None of this was our fault. Do you understand?'

'I- yeah,' Rick replied, the guilt still there but tamer. He'd always feel that guilt no matter how small just as he imagined she'd still carry that guilt over Ryan. It was always so much easier to tell someone it wasn't their fault than for that person to actually believe it and agree.

Rick brushed a strand of hair away from her cheek, allowing his hand to linger for a moment longer than necessary, 'please understand that what happened to Ryan wasn't your fault, Kate.'

'I shouldn't have panicked like that.'

'It's going to take time for you to overcome that panic.'

'I'm not sure if I can,' Kate whispered eyeing the ground, not before he noticed the shimmery gleam now coating her eyes.

'Listen to me, Kate,' said Rick, coiling his fingers under her chin, lifting it until she faced him. 'You are one of the strongest and smartest detectives I have ever known and may the gods be damned but you can do this, Kate. You can do anything.'

They lapsed into silence, each person caught in the ebb and flow of their own thoughts. He needed her to understand that she was strong enough for this but he didn't want to push. With time she would understand and marking a tirade against her tonight would not solve anything. Heck, they had two weeks paid leave. Well, technically she had two weeks paid leave meaning in turn he did too, minus the pay check. Maybe he could whisk her away to the Hamptons for the duration – take her mind off things? Anyone could tell her that she could do with getting away for a while but for right now all she needed was a friendly face and some company.

'You want some wine?' said Rick. 'We could watch a film or something?'

Kate hesitated for a moment, 'yeah, that'd be nice.'

'Awesome. Do you want to choose the film and I'll go get the wine?'

'Sure,' said Kate. 'And Castle?'

'Yeah.'

'Make it red.'

'As you wish ma'am,' replied Rick tumbling himself into a bow earning a dark look from his partner, a dangerous light bouncing in her eyes.

Rick skidded into the kitchen, grabbing two glasses and a bottle of wine from the rack not taking much notice of the label before heading back Kate.

'So what are we watching?' boomed Castle.

'Peter's Friends.'

'I never knew you were one for a Brit flick,' said Castle handing Kate her glass of wine.

'I just wanted to see something light and fun in the light of things,' said Kate shrugging.

'We are talking about the same film, right?'

'Oh shut up Castle and watch the film.'

He grinned at her as she turned on the film. He edged himself back in the chair getting as physically close to her as he could without actually touching her, slinging his arm around the back of the chair.

'_Real smooth, Castle,_' he thought to himself lamely. '_Keep that up and she'll really start believing you're nine years old_.'

Castle felt her body stiffen slightly at their close proximity; the rise and fall of her chest steady and controlled compared to his own. He could sit for hours – even days – to simply admire the curve of her jaw, the flick of her lashes, her shiny lock of hair, her strength of character. She never ceased to amaze and awe him.

Moments passed before Kate grew comfortable or simply gave in – he wasn't sure – and settled into the heat of his outstretched embrace. A tingle flowed through his arm at the contact. He could never tire of this. Of her. Castle shifted slightly, his thigh pressing hard against Kate's. Kate didn't seem to mind or notice, her attention fixated on the screen. Her eyes crinkling at the corners as a slow laugh rippled through her body, echoing in the vast room. The simple beauty of the sound sending butterflies shooting through his stomach, the love-struck puppy gaze never quite leaving his eyes. The shuffle of movement beside him dragged him abruptly out of his thoughts.

'Hey, what's wrong?' said Rick, his voice a horse whisper.

'Nothing. I just wanted to get a glass of water.'

'Hey – no – I'll get it. You stay here. Enjoy the film.'

'Castle, I – you don't have to do that,' said Kate who was already making a move to stand.

Rick pulled her from her wrist, dragging her towards him before pushing her back into a seating position on the coach, 'Beckett, you are staying put. No ifs, ands or buts. You stay here and relax while I go get you some water.'

He was already up and heading toward the kitchen before she could object. He let out a sigh of relief as he neared the sink, his emotions finally catching up with him and washing over the surface. Rick ran the tap, splashing some on his face before grabbing a glass and planting it under the faucet. Kate Beckett seemed to have a peculiar effect on him – awe and excitement converging him in her presence and loss and breathlessness engulfing him in her absence. He had come so close to losing her but here she was, in his apartment. Again. Spending the evening with him when she could be at home.

As he turned from the sink – the glass of water gripped loosely in his hand – he walked into something hard, the air whooshing out of him, the glass slipping from his fingers and tumbling dangerously to the ground. Water slopped at his feet, fragments of glass reverberating across the floor.

Castle looked up into the concerned gaze of Kate Beckett who stood unsteady on her feet. He loped his arm around her waist, steadying them both, drawing her closer in the process, their bodies colliding, melting into each other.

Heat flared within him like electric, the effect she had on him flaring in an instant. His eyes bore into hers, seeking something, anything. Seeing the spark of – what was that? Arousal? – for a flash of a second before he leant forward, pressing his lips to hers wondering how far they'd get before Kate pushed him away. She surprised him, her tongue slipping into his mouth sliding rhythmically against his. Rick's hand wove into the smooth locks of her hair, the other hand sliding along her back meeting flesh where her shirt had ridden up. She shivered beneath him, a low guttural moan escaping her as their tongues picked up pace, dancing and battling in sweet desperation.

Rick pulled back slowly, the overpowering desire to breathe winning over. He leant his forehead against hers not quite wanting to leave her embrace just yet, her hands still curled up in the fabric of his shirt.

He pressed his lips gently to hers once more, 'you know you mean a lot to me, Kate.'

'I know, Rick,' whispered Kate, her hands now like vices gripping onto the front of his shirt.

Rick tucked his finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him. There was something else, he could tell. He could see her clutching onto whatever it was she wasn't telling him clear as day; the weight of it evident in her eyes, the eyes that were now filling with tears yet to be shed.

'I remember,' she said tearing herself away from his grasp. 'I remember Rick and I'm sorry.'

Rick inhaled sharply, the meaning behind her words cutting deep; the day of her shooting flashing through his mind on an endless loop. The whirlwind of emotions he'd experienced that day slammed into him – despair, shock, guilt, anger. He'd confessed his love like a fool, hoping that she'd felt the same, that it wasn't too late. But all this time, all this time she remembered. She'd remembered and she'd denied it. What was it? Was it shame? Did she really think so little of him that she had to lie? But he was the one who didn't have the balls to push it further, to really find out how much she remembered. He didn't even have the balls to tell her that he loved her when she was fully functioning and conscious. What kind of man was he?

Now here they were, Kate stumbling towards the door not able to get away fast enough while he stood there watching her. Castle banged his fist against the counter in frustration just as Kate wrenched the front door open almost tumbling into his mother in the process who had been standing on the other side.

'Kate, darling, what's wrong?' said Martha, staring at the detective in bewilderment before casting a glance at her son.

Kate mumbled her apologies, leaving no time for anyone to ask her further questions as she shot off towards the elevator.

Martha rounded on her son, dropping her bag on the table, 'Richard, what in the heavens happened this time?'

'She remembered.'

'She rem- oh kiddo,' said Martha, wrapping her arms around her son. 'And what did you say to her?'

'I didn't... I didn't say anything.'

'Why not darling?'

'She _lied_, Mother,' said Rick, staring at his mother incredulously as if that was reason enough. 'She's been playing me all along... laughing behind my back... ashamed of having someone like _me_ having feelings for her.'

'Don't talk such nonsense, Richard. Anyone can see that that woman loves you,' reasoned Martha.

'Oh yeah,' said Richard. 'Then please enlighten me as to why she lied? Because that's not what I'd call _love_.'

'Did you take one second to ask her why she lied? Did you pause to wonder why she's finally told you that she remembers?' said Martha, handing him a dust pan and a cloth to clear up the broken glass off the floor. 'You are my son Richard and I love you but please remember that she was _shot_ that day. Kate had a lot to take in and I know that doesn't make it alright but the fact still remains.'

'You think I don't remember that _she got shot_,' said Rick scathingly, slamming the dust pan against the bin, the trickle of glass clanging against the inside of the bin.

'Of course I don't, Richard,' said Martha, squeezing his forearm. 'You think I can't see that haunting look in your eyes every now and then when you look at her?'

'Then why couldn't she tell me she heard me?' said Castle, strutting towards his office in frustration. 'I'd have waited for her. However long it took I'd have waited.'

'Then go ask her, Richard. Talk to her. Don't sit here and drown yourself in a bottle, go and get her!'

'But mother-'

'No, Richard. I have sat by and watched you throw your life away with those train wreck marriages all because you thought you were doing the right thing for Alexis,' said Martha, holding her hand up halting his interruption before he had the chance to get it out of his mouth. 'You've not only found the perfect role model for Alexis but also a woman who doesn't look at you at think about money and fame but thinks about the real Richard Castle. If you did one thing for me Richard, you'd listen and go after her.'

Martha was shoving his keys into his palms – the hard edges digging into his skin – slinging his jacket over his arm and pushing him towards the door before her words finally sunk in.

If he wanted her, really wanted her, he'd fight for her.

Rick turned to look at his mother, a gentle gleam in eye, 'thank you.'

'Anytime Kiddo, go get her.'

Rick left his apartment building a few minutes later, his feet pounding against the beaten pavement. He felt a new sense of hope at his mother's words but the niggling doubt was still not far from hand, bidding its time, hidden amongst the shadows.

He took out his cell phone, Kate's name springing out at him from his calls list and rang her. The relentless shrill of the ringer in his ear followed by the service message left an unsettling feeling in his stomach. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. He'd never seen Kate like this, so broken and distraught as she had been over the last couple of days. He didn't know how far he could push or if he should even try to push at all. Maybe he should let the dust settle for a while, give her a few days to cool off, pull herself together but the thought of her pushing him away at the end of those days for good horrified him.

His mind warred with itself, two sides of an argument vying for domination and neither succeeding. Rick wanted to fight for her but at the same time anger simmered below the surface. Maybe he should have had his mother escort him to Kate's apartment to ensure that he went through with it, his nerves and second-guessing getting the better of him.

Rick barged his way through the rush of men and women trying to get home from work and headed into the old haunt. He needed a drink. A large one. The old haunt was surprisingly quiet for this time of day, elderly citizens seated in small clusters around the room. A small buzz of chatter settled around them.

He took a seat at the bar, ordering a large whisky from the barman, plopping his head in his hands. He needed to get a grip. He should be at Kate's apartment arguing, talking, discussing, whatever, he should be there getting to the bottom of this, _this situation_.

Rick thanked the barman – What was his name? Matthew? – for his drink before downing it in one, the bitter liquid burning his throat.

'Rough day?' someone slurred to his right.

'Something like that,' replied Rick, never looking up hoping they'd get the gist that he didn't want to talk to anyone.

'I can think of a way to, er, de-stress,' said the woman, her hand sliding quickly and effortlessly up the inside of Rick's thigh; the strong smell of alcohol rolling off her tongue.

'Hey, hey,' said Rick, jumping out of his seat. 'Whoa.'

She strode towards him with purpose, waves of blonde hair jumping limply against her chest. She looked out of place, a woman of great wealth fallen from grace. Her make-up was too heavy, thick black lines lining her eyes – adding years to her age, the bright red lipstick covering her lips smudged in places. Her thin skeletal fingers clutched at the collar of his jacket with a force he would never have guessed she had, pulling him to her.

'I can make it better,' she said, her words running together. 'You can make me better.'

'I, ah-,' stammered Rick, extracting her fingers from his clothing. 'You're drunk and I'm, er, taken.'

'We could have had so much fun together,' she said stumbling slightly on her feet.

Rick edged away from her slowly fearing that she'd pounce on him any moment like a piece of meat. 'Er, yeah, sorry but my, er, wife is expecting me.'

'You're not wearing a ring,' she said, her words almost inaudible trying to make a grab for his hand. 'Normally that means they're playing away - always looking for something better on the side.'

'It's a, er, long story. I'm sorry. I should really be going.'

She didn't seem to hear him as she had already began walking towards a cluster of men sitting in the far corner.

He needed to see Kate.

Rick rapped his knuckles against Kate's front door for what felt like the millionth time.

'Kate,' he shouted. 'I know you're in there. Just open the door. Please.'

The door flew open moments later leaving him face to face with a very angry Lanie Parish.

'What have you done writer boy?'

'What have I-,' he said incredulously. 'What have _I_ done?'

'Don't play coy with me,' said Lanie, pressing her finger into his chest with each word.

'_She_ was the one that _lied_ to _me_.'

'I don't care who did what to who. You two need to get your act together and stop being so freaking stupid. My girl's in there moping around like I've never seen and I _know_ it's got something to do with you.'

'Can I please just talk to her, Lanie.'

'As a matter of fact, writer boy, you can't.'

'Lanie-'

'No, Castle. I am going to make you two fix _this_,' she said waving her hands around. 'Whatever this is. You got that big fancy beach house, right?'

'Yeah,' said Castle not quite understanding where the ME was going with this.

'And no one's there, right now?'

'It's empty right now...'

'Good. I need you to have your bags packed by 10 tomorrow morning when I come pick you up.'

'Lanie... what?'

'Let's just say you and Kate are going to spend some good quality time together.'

And with that she slammed the door in Castle's face leaving him more confused than ever before.

* * *

**A/N**: Thanks for all the lovely reviews and I'm super sorry this chapter took so long to get out, it was an absolute bastard to write. I think I re-wrote 90% of it because I wasn't happy with it and I'm kind of okay with it now (kind of).

**Reviews are like chocolate, addictive for the soul (;**

- Jess xox


	4. Packed Bags

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own Castle but if they wanted me to then that would be cool

**Previously**: Beckett tells Castle that she remembers & Lanie tries to set things right

* * *

**IV**

* * *

'What the hell, Lanie,' shrieked Kate rounding on her friend as soon as the door hit the frame.

'What?' said Lanie, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth as she breezed past her friend to take a seat on the couch.

'Don't mess with me, Lanie,' said Kate. 'What are you planning?'

Lanie shot her a look as if to say '_isn't it obvious'_, taking a sip of her wine, 'I'm fixing things.'

'Fixing things? Nothing needs to be fixed, Lanie.'

'Mm-hmm that explains why you're moping around like nobody's business and why writer boy can't seem to tell his left from his right.'

Kate sat down next to Lanie, 'that – that's complicated.'

'So I've heard,' Lanie muttered dryly.

'Lanie,' sighed Kate, her head falling onto the back of the couch, her eyes sliding shut in tired exasperation.

'I'm doing this for your own good, Kate,' said Lanie laying a reassuring hand on Kate's knee. 'You and writer boy are perfect for each other. Everyone can see that but the two of you.'

'You don't understand, Lanie.'

'Then talk to me, Kate. Am I your best friend or am I your best friend?'

Kate smiled weakly, 'I lied.'

'I'm gonna need a little more than that,' said Lanie as she exited the room, returning with a suitcase in tow.

Kate heaved a long sigh, a melancholy feeling warping its path around her heart, 'When I got shot, the last thing I heard before I lost consciousness was Castle telling me that he loved me. But that day he visited me in the hospital I told him I couldn't remember anything.'

'Kate, that's-'

'Yeah I know, one of the most horrible things a person can do.'

'Well there's that but Kate this is huge.'

A non-committal hum broke through Kate's lips.

'But why lie about it, girl? The man finally got his head out of your ass long enough to tell you how he felt.'

Kate shook her head dismissively.

'I'm just saying it like it is.'

Kate drained the last dregs of wine sloshing at the bottom of her glass, 'I wasn't ready for that. I didn't want to be some kind of broken doll he had to piece back together.'

'Oh sweetie,' said Lanie, her hand brushing over Kate's, the simplicity of the touch, of her friendship soothing Kate's burning edges. 'Writer boy would have waited.'

'No,' said Kate, shaking her head. 'That isn't fair.'

'Maybe not but he did it anyway.'

'And how would you know that?'

'Girl please, writer boy would not have come round here like you stole his sheep if he hadn't been waiting for you.'

'He was probably drunk.'

'Yeah, giving himself the kick up the ass he needed, I bet,' murmured Lanie darkly.

Kate stood up abruptly, grabbing the two empty wine glasses and headed for the kitchen, depositing them in the sink. Her hips collided painfully with the hard counter but she took no notice of the pain, spreading her hands along the counter's edge. Kate's head drifted forward until her chin rested gently on her chest. A curtain of hair fell loosely around her face shielding the tears that were quickly springing to her eyes.

Is that what she was afraid of? That he'd wait? That their partnership had gotten to such an important point that he'd wait for her to finally be able to turn around and tell him that she loved him? She couldn't picture it, Richard Castle, the famous playboy writer, with blonde bimbos hanging off his arm waiting in the wings just so one woman could say she loved him… but there was another side of him. He was also Richard Castle, the dad, and she knew deep down that that man would wait till the end of the earth for something he loved.

When had everything gotten so complicated?

A shuffle of movement to Kate's right alerted her to Lanie's incoming presence. She didn't want to move. She didn't want to feel. She didn't even want to talk. She just wanted to wallow in self-pity like a teenager convinced their life was over after a break-up

Lanie wrapped her arm around Kate's waist guiding her out of the kitchen, 'You just go to sleep Kate and let me worry about tomorrow.'

'But-'

'No objections, Kate. Get your rest.'

Kate shifted restlessly in her sleep, the crisp white sheets entwined around her body. Her mind was sharp with images, each image tumbling past with no evident meaning or purpose. Kate sucked in a breath, her lungs constricting painfully, the crushing pressure of her nightmares descending upon her. Her eyes slowly opened, blinking a number of times as they adjusted to the light, a glisten of sweat shinning slightly in the morning sun as it wove its course down Kate's neck.

She stumbled out of bed, her shoulder scraping against the door frame as she tried to navigate her way through the apartment. The clanging of china against a hard surface reminding Kate of her late night visitor and the arrangements the M.E. had made.

The last few days had felt like a walking nightmare and Kate was pretty damn sure things were only going to get worse, if that were even possible.

The medical examiner turned as she heard the detective approach, a look of composure and pure business plastered to her face. Lanie said nothing and her face gave away even less as she handed Kate a mug of coffee, the hot liquid slopping over the edges, meeting flesh.

'You,' said Lanie pointing her finger at Kate's chest, 'are going to have a shower, drink this and get dressed because _we_ have to go pick up Writer boy in half an hour.'

'Lanie, this really isn't necessary.'

'What did we talk about last night? I want no arguments, go.'

Kate felt like she was 15 years old again, getting the third degree from her parents about something or other she'd done - or hadn't done but this was Lanie and Kate knew she meant well but she just_ didn't _want to do this. She didn't want to have to face Castle after her little breakdown over the past few days and especially after her little outburst the night before. Kate just couldn't face it. Cowardly, that's what she was and Kate couldn't find the will to care.

Now Lanie had formed some kind of twisted plan that included a beach house and one ruggedly handsome writer and what she'll assume will be good quality time alone together. Just the perfect situation for two people to run head first at a bunch of problems by locking them in a box together and waiting for it to explode.

Kate stepped into the shower, the spray of the water cascading over her limps, the pressure soothing the knots in her muscles. The nervous need to run stuck with her, clinging to her, waiting for a chance - any little chance - to take charge and bolt at the first opportunity but she couldn't let that need win. Kate turned off the water, hands reaching around the shower curtain, groping for the towel, plastering the soft cotton around her body.

The detective strode into her bedroom finding an outfit spread out on top of her bed covers, a floral top, underwear and her jeans. Lanie had thought of everything. Kate tugged her clothing on; doing her hair and make-up at top speed with Lanie running in and out of her room counting down the minutes till they left.

A light knock sounded from the door, 'You ready? We gotta go.'

Kate finished the last brush stroke of mascara casting a glance towards Lanie standing in the doorway, 'I'm ready.'

'Good girl. My car's out front and your bags are all packed.'

Kate hesitated a moment before striding towards the front door and her best friend, 'thanks Lanie.'

Kate hovered nervously behind Lanie as she watched her best friend's knuckle rap methodically against Castle's front door. Each second seemed to tick by slowly until Castle's face loomed before them, the usual twinkle in his eyes absent.

Castle bowed his head slightly in polite acknowledgment, 'Dr. Parish,' he said, the usual playfulness of his tone barely evident and then completely evaporating as the word 'Beckett' rolled off his tongue.

It was wildly evident to all of them that he was giving her the cold shoulder and Kate couldn't fault him but she wasn't going to let it grate her. She didn't even want to be here and apparently she wasn't the only one. It seemed as though last night's little drunken appearance was just that, a drunken appearance.

Kate trailed after Lanie into the loft, hanging close to the door unsure of how welcome she was here. Castle and Alexis were nowhere to be seen but Lanie stood in the kitchen muttering quietly with Martha. The red haired woman dashed off somewhere only to return just as Castle strode out of his study with a suitcase in tow.

Martha strode straight for Kate, a small grey gift bag clutched in her right hand that Kate would recognise anywhere.

'Kate, darling,' said Martha, planting a kiss on both of her cheeks. 'You forgot to take this with you the other night.'

A slight blush rose to Kate's cheeks, 'I- er- Martha it's fine really. I don't want-'

'Nonsense kiddo, this will come in handy, believe me.'

'Martha, I really don't think-'

Kate's words were cut off as Martha brought her into an abrupt hug, whispering gently in her ear, 'Richard can be a foolish man sometimes but believe me kiddo when I tell you that that man cares for you more than you may want to admit and I know that you love my son whether you want to admit that to yourself or not. For both of your sakes please try and make an effort.'

'Mother please let go of the detective before she files a restraining order. I wouldn't put it past her.'

Martha dropped her arms from Kate's shoulders, rounding on her son before Kate could get any words out of her mouth, 'stop being so petty, Richard.'

'I wasn't-'

'Yes you were. This is Kate Beckett you're talking about… not Gina… or Meredith. Just you remember that.'

Shock stole over Castle's features, 'I wasn't even-'

'I think this should be our queue to leave,' Lanie jumped in, making a move for the door.

Kate stood rooted to the spot, seething with anger. If this was setting the tone for what to expect in the Hamptons then she wasn't sure how long she would be able to keep a lid on her anger before she was forced to say things she didn't particularly want to.

She slowed as she got to the hallway, turning towards Martha who stood close behind her and grabbed the older woman's hand making a quick decision, 'I'll try, Martha.'

Martha smiled warmly, squeezing Kate's hand in return and handed her the gift bag, 'that's all I ask, Kiddo.'

Lanie, Kate and Castle headed round the block towards Lanie's car without much disruption. Kate took a seat at the back of the car as Castle carefully packed his suitcase away in the boot. He stood on the pavement for a short while clearly debating where exactly he should sit before opening the front door to the passenger seat.

'Oh no, writer boy, you're not sitting up front with me and annoying the hell out of me which I know you will,' Lanie said, pursing her lips. 'You can sit at the back with Kate.'

Castle cast Lanie a dark look, slamming the passenger door before retreating to the back seat. Both Kate and Castle seemed to sit as close to the car doors as they possibly could, pointedly glaring out their respective windows. Kate cast a quick look in Castle's direction, visible tension clinging to his hunched shoulders, his leg shaking frantically reminding Kate of a small dog. The space between them felt as though it could stretch endlessly with no hope of connection.

'That's a good boy. Martha gave me directions to the Hamptons so you don't have to worry one little bit about me not knowing where I'm going.'

No one replied to her and despite Lanie's best efforts to create conversation, stony silence swallowed them whole. Kate tried to focus her mind on the changing scenery but Martha's parting words swirled continuously through her mind. She wanted to make an effort, she honestly did but she didn't know how or even if she could.

Just as Kate was about to complain about the cramp beginning to form in her lower limbs, the car slowed to a halt. The air caught in Kate's lungs, the true beauty of the place catching her off guard. She'd known that the Hamptons had been known for its fancy, over the top houses but nothing prepared her for this.

She opened her door and slowly rose out of the car, her eyes focusing on the house, her mouth opened slightly in awe. Kate caught Castle staring at her, slowly scrutinising her reactions as if it would uncover some kind of unknown secret. It unnerved her. If circumstances were different she would have wholeheartedly expected him to watch and stare but this was something different.

Castle got the luggage out the car and surprising her in the process as he carefully carried her case up to the front door.

Lanie stopped him at the door before he could fish out his keys handing him a rather large bracelet and then another to Kate as she joined them, instructing them to put them on.

The cool metal of the bracelet clasped tightly around her wrist, squeezing her skin ever so slightly. There was something strangely familiar about the bracelet but Kate couldn't quite figure out what it was. That was until she noticed the flicker of green light from the corner of her along the edge of metal and it all became clearer. She should have known.

'I got Javi to ring in a few favours to get these if I promised to take him up on a, er, certain offer,' said Lanie, smirking like a Cheshire cat, fire dancing in her eyes.

Kate glared at her friend, 'are these really necessary?'

'Hell yes!'

Castle stared at the two women completely at a loss to what was going on. Lanie gave him a clear look of pity before filling him in, 'They're similar to the ankle bracelets we give to prisoners on probation letting them go a certain distance away from their homes depending on the circumstance and the police are able to keep tabs on their location.'

Kate glanced at Castle who was nodding with intrigue written all over his face.

'We got these made so you can only go a certain distance away from each other but I won't tell you how far because I _know_ you'll want to find out for yourselves.'

Castle fidgeted with the bracelet, twisting it in circles, leaving a red rash in its wake, 'how will we know?'

'Oh trust me, you'll know,' said Lanie, unable to keep the smile off her face. 'And I'll know too so please don't make me phone to tell you off.'

Lanie moved forward, wrapping her arms around the detective, 'You go get your man, Kate.' It was barely a whisper but Kate caught every word, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Castle didn't miss the transaction, his body language clearly itching with curiosity to know what had been said. Lanie quickly said goodbye to Castle before getting back in her car and heading back to city, leaving her passengers staring dumbly after her departing figure.

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**A/N**: I'm sooooooooo sorry that it's taken me about 3 months to update this fic. I was busy with uni and this chapter has been sitting on my laptop for the last month or two :/ I've got some one-shot ideas that I'll try to write and upload simultaneously alongside with this one.

**Reviews are like chocolate, addictive for the soul (;**

- Jess xox


	5. The Beach House

**Disclaimer: **This girl sadly doesn't own castle

**Previously**: Lanie drives Beckett and Castle to the Hamptons for some much needed making up

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**V**

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Castle was the first to move, fishing his keys out of his pocket and opening the front door. He waited until Kate clambered in behind him before going back outside and bringing in their bags. The writer watched her carefully as her eyes darted around the room, taking everything in.

He'd pictured this moment so many times, the big romantic gesture as he'd whisk her away from work for a special weekend getaway. The extensive fantasies ranging from skinny dipping in the pool to spending the entire weekend in bed but he never expected this. Castle had at least wanted there to be a 'them' or as close to a 'them' as he could get. Instead he was stuck with some crisis getaway fumbled together by his friend to be stuck with a woman who had lied and betrayed him. He wanted to make the effort to fix what she had done, to fix the relationship they had had even if it didn't progress to something more. He just didn't know if that was what he truly wanted – to fight for the woman he loved despite everything.

The writer stepped forward placing a palm gently on Kate's shoulder in an attempt to calmly get her attention, her body jerking away from his touch. A glimmer of hurt flashes across Castle's boyish features but disappearing as quickly as it came, not wanting to give her the benefit of seeing his pain.

'I'll show you where you can sleep,' Castle said, already walking towards the staircase not checking to see if Kate was following. 'I'll put you in the room next to mine as we don't know how far we can go with these things on,' raising his wrist in the air and shaking it.

Kate nodded, trailing behind the writer as they edged towards the room at the far end of the hall. It was far from what she expected if the reaction he gouged from her features was anything to go by. The room was one of the ones he had redesigned himself, everything kept simple, soft and white.

For the first time since he has bought this house it felt odd here. There was so much silence, so much pain and betrayal lingering in the air.

He watched her stride around the room, her delicate fingers touching and lingering over nothing for longer than a few seconds. The soft clatter of her heels connecting with the wooden floor as the sound reverberated around the room. The detective halted at the floor length window, her palms coming up and resting on the window pane, her forehead connecting with the glass. Castle watched in awe, the slender outline of her body evoking something deep and primal within him. He shook the thoughts out of his mind, reminding himself again and again about the lie, the cover-up, how she had played him all along.

Castle took a few stumbling steps backwards intent on putting some space between them, not caring if the bracelet went off, 'I'll, er, just go and bring up your bags.'

Night had slowly drawn in and hunger seemed to consume him. Castle shifted from under his cave of blankets, ready to face the world he had spent the good part of five hours trying to avoid. From the moment he had left Beckett's suitcases in her room he had raced to his own, locking the door and hiding under the sanction of his duvet. Castle felt like an eight year old again, hiding out from his mother's wrath when he'd done something wrong. He was being stupid but he couldn't help it. He was still boiling with anger and he'd be dammed if he didn't let himself feel something other than his feelings of dumb blind love. He deserved that at least.

Silence clung to the air and it scared him. He had never felt so alone. He had always been on the same level as Kate: finishing her sentences, finishing her theories – they were a team. At this moment in time they were anything but a team. He had no idea what Kate had done all day, whether she'd explored the house or did the cowardly thing and locked herself away too. A part of him longed to be with her, showing her every nook and cranny this house had to offer but there was no point in dwelling on it. They were locked in an impossible situation, forced to bond and reconciliate and they'd do the best they could or nothing at all. It was as simple as that.

Castle quickly changed and exited his room, the sharp smell of food flooding through the air and filling his nostrils. He let his tingling senses lead him towards the source of the aroma that was slowly enveloping him, winding up in the doorway to the kitchen.

Kate Beckett stood in front of the stove, her hair tied up in a messy ponytail, the stray strands that fell from the band elegantly framing her face. She was busying herself around the kitchen, fetching a variation of vegetables from their little corners of the world, stirring the contents of the pots on the cooker. It was an unexpected sight, not that he thought she couldn't cook because _obviously_ she had to eat when she wasn't living off take-out but it was strange – quite domestic, even. A part of him felt sick at the sight and all the thoughts that it spurned. Him. Them. Together. He wasn't sure if they could ever make it back to what they were and he hated it.

He couldn't bring himself to take the next few steps into his own kitchen because he didn't want that domestic image to be broken, to involve him but somehow she seemed to know he was there.

She glanced upwards, a small smile on her lips, 'hey Castle,' she said softly.

He braced himself – for what? He didn't know. A part of him expected her to be annoyed or angry even at being left on her own in a place she'd never been before but she seemed to take it in her stride. Same old Katherine Beckett. Castle wasn't sure whether that thought particularly pleased him or aggravated him more.

Castle stepped forward taking a seat on a stool by the island, finding his voice and murmuring his hellos.

'I hope you don't mind. I, er –' Kate stammered out, a faint blush rising to her cheeks. 'I started to make dinner while you were, urm, sleeping? I didn't want to disturb you.'

'It's fine, Beckett. Wouldn't want your thin frame to rot away now, would we?' said Castle, who regretted his words the instant they slipped out of his mouth. He was being petty and he knew it. Any little jibe he could conjure up, he wanted to voice just to see the hurt in her eyes and he hated himself for it but the desire to cause her pain pierced him.

A dark look crossed over the detectives' face, her lips pursed but she said nothing. He wanted her to say something – anything. The writer wanted nothing more than for her to show some feeling but silence was their only friend. Kate kept herself occupied around the kitchen with only Castle's stares to keep her company.

He couldn't stop the surprise from registering on his face at her next request, 'Is it alright if I use your house phone? It's just that I'm not getting any reception on my cell up here.'

'Sure Beckett, there's one in the living room. We're stuck here for the next two weeks so you may as well make yourself at home.'

Again, she gave nothing away. Her mask held firmly in place when the words: 'thanks… Rick,' tumbled all but awkwardly from her lips, but something looked off – she looked preoccupied but he let it go. Kate would come and talk to him when she was ready. The irony of the thought made him chuckle silently to himself. Talk? Yeah right. Secrecy and lies, that's all they had at the end of the day but he wanted to know. He knew it was wrong but he wanted to know.

He watched her exit the kitchen and head towards the living room, he waited a few moments before he found another of his numerous house phones hidden away in the kitchen and pressed the call button waiting for the conversation to begin – ah, the brilliance of modern technology.

The dial tone rung out before a familiar voice crept through the other end, 'Esposito.'

'Hey, Javi,' said Kate and it was as if he were sitting next to her, the faint sigh of relief like music to his ears. He should be the one she was talking to.

'Beckett, hey, how are ya?'

'Holding up. How's Kevin?' and then it made sense to him. It struck him at how he was so quickly able to get warped up in his own twisted feelings and completely forget that one of his best friends was currently in hospital being treated for a gunshot wound. And then there was Kate still hoarding that guilt he was sure she wouldn't get over any time too soon.

'He's doing good, real good,' said Esposito. 'He was awake for a bit earlier.'

'I should be there, Javi! He took that bullet for me. I should be sitting by his bedside asking to do his paperwork for the next century. Blindly hoping that he doesn't hate me though it's the least I deserve.'

'Kate,' Esposito shouted through her babble. 'Shut up!'

'I-'

Castle shifted from his spot by the island to the doorway, making out the outline of the detective currently seated in his living room. A shadow amongst the darkness, hunched over herself, her head resting in her hands. She looked so rigid and no matter how much he hated her right this very moment he felt so much pain. For her; for what she's going through; for everything that has been thrust in her direction. But Kate was a pillar of strength with each event that threatened to knock her back down into that rabbit hole of pain and heartache and it made him love her even more. She was _extraordinary_ and he was a walking contradiction.

'He knows where you are and he agreed with me in thinking good riddens,' said Esposito.

'Oh and that suddenly makes everything okay?'

Castle flinched at the venom in her voice.

'He just wants you to be happy. He wants you to heal your wounds and get your head out the ground long enough to look around.'

'YES! Thank you,' Castle whispered in earnest before realising his mistake. He whipped away from the door, holding his breath with every ounce of his being hoping that Kate never heard or saw him. He didn't have to worry though – of course he didn't – both Esposito and Beckett continued their battle as if a grenade hadn't been thrown directly into the middle.

'And what happens the next time someone's got a gun aimed at me and tries to take a shot? What do I do? Look around at whose next in line to take that bullet for me?'

'Kate-'

'No, Javi. You all act like it's okay now but just think about the next time when I flinch at the sight of a gun in my face.'

Castle sucked in a breath.

'It's going to take time,' said Esposito.

'Don't give me that time crap, Espo. Next time we may not get so lucky. Next time that person may not wake up'

'It's just a hunk of steel, Beckett. That's all it is. There's nothing mystical about it. It's the person holding that gun that makes the decision to kill. He isn't some almighty god that can't be stopped.'

Kate's silence was deafening. Castle's view of her silhouette was shaking and he was certain that she was very close to tears and trying her darn hardest to keep it at bay.

'You can get through this, Beckett. I _know_ you. You're like a sister to me and one of the strongest people I know. You can conquer anything.'

'I don't think I can,' said Kate.

Castle resisted the urge to burst into the room and shake some sense into her. Shoving everything he felt aside, if there was one thing he knew it was that Kate Beckett was one of the strongest people he knew.

Before he had a chance to do anything, the line was dead and Kate was gone.

Castle drifted back to the kitchen with the phone still cradled to his ear as if the monotonous ring tone could give him all the answers he needed. He debated whether or not to call his mother because he wasn't sure about anything anymore. Nothing made sense. He was a grown man and still seeking out his mother for advice. Castle wasn't sure whether he should laugh or cry.

He did the only thing he thought he could and that was finishing the meal Beckett had begun making. The writer faffed around the kitchen knocking things over, burning himself in the same place time and time again, not at all the elegant cook he liked to think he was. By the time he had finished cooking, sweat coated him like armour and painful pink blisters marked his fingers.

Dishing the food onto two plates without incident he grabbed a tray, some cutlery and Beckett's meal before heading in the direction of her room.

Castle's stood outside Beckett's door with his ear pressed against the wood, listening for any little sound to alert him to her presence but he got nothing. Tentatively, he pushed open the door, streams of light bouncing through the gap into the gaping darkness. His eyes fell on form lying on the bed, her back to him, the steady rise and fall of her chest so unlike the rapid beat of his heart. If Kate was awake she didn't make any move to let him know so.

He pushed himself forward, placing the plate of food he was holding onto her bedside table. A part of him told him to turn around and leave but he was entranced with the sight of her. Leaning over her ever so slightly in what could only be described as being super creepy, he prayed to the writer gods that she didn't wake up and catch him. She looked so peaceful in sleep, the worry lines that he would sometimes see entrenched on her forehead during a tough case where smoothed out, her hair fanned out over the pillow case.

Castle bent forward, pressing his lips to her temple, 'goodnight, Kate.'

_He was a walking contradiction._

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**A/N**: You can all kill me seeing as you've had to wait so long for this. I don't like how I've written this chapter but I just couldn't take re-writing it anymore. I'll _try_ to get the next chapter out asap and I'm meeting JK Rowling again on the 8th. Brb hyperventilating. There'll be pictures on instagram so feel free to follow (': (I'm whatthefawkes93).

**Reviews are like chocolate, addictive for the soul (;**


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